Contact With the World

My New Wheels, Stickin' It To the Man

2008-04-17T15:39:00.004-05:00

For years and years I have wanted to be on the seat of a little scooter of some kind. I remember in the late 80's telling my family that I was going to get a Honda Spree to ride to school when I was old enough. Well, thankfully I never did get the Spree, but I finally did get a 49cc scooter. It is a 2002 Honda Metropolitan. When I bought it there were only 115 miles on it. It has always been kept in tip-top condition by its previous owner, the race car mechanic. How did I justify the 4 hour each way road trip to go pick it up? It gets 100 miles per gallon. That's right, baby, with gas prices getting up to $4 by the end of the summer it'll pay for itself in miles to and from work.

The 1987 Honda Spree

My 2002 Honda Metropolitan

My favorite part so far has been pulling up to a stop light next to a dude on a big-ass Harley. He gave me the nod.

Hasn't the Lord Already Provided?

2008-04-11T14:22:00.002-05:00

This week I responded to a call that immediately brought to mind one of my favorite jokes. In fact, before we got back to the firehouse, the other medic was telling it:

A man is standing on his porch watching the rain fall in torrents. The water starts to rise around the foundation of his house and a friend in a huge truck drives by. Knowing that the water is rushing in the streets and that his neighbor will be stranded he says, "Come on, get in and I'll take you to higher ground." The man just smiles and waves him on. "Don't worry about me," he says. "The lord will provide." Later as the water is waist deep and it seems that no one in the neighborhood is left. A small boat approaches the man a lady call to him from it. "Come on, I have room for you. I can get you out of here!" The man just smiles as he replies, "You can go on. As for me, the lord will provide." The rains are relentless and by evening the situation looks grim. The man's house is a loss and he is on the roof, shivering in the storm. Soon he hears a helicopter approaching and a voice booming over a bullhorn. "Get into the basket and we will take you to safety!" The man musters a smile and cups his hands to his mouth and shouts, "I'm fine where I am! The lord will provide!"

That night the man dies, submerged in the flood waters that swept him from the roof of his house. When the man faces god in heaven, he is dismayed and confused. He asks, "Lord, I was so faithful, a witness for you telling everyone whom I met that you would provide. How could you forget me in my time of mortal need?" God replied, "Forget you? I provided neighbors and boats and rescue helicopters, what more did you need?"

The patient who brought this to our minds is a lady who is critically ill. She will probably die from her illness very soon. It has been more than a year since she experienced the first symptoms of her illness. I believe that if she had sought treatment at that time she could have spared herself immense pain and suffering, both physical and emotional. She has insurance and is financially stable. She has a family and transportation. She is relatively young and otherwise healthy. The reason that she did not seek medical intervention earlier is because she has a religious conviction that healing comes from god. I also believe that there is an element of denial in her particular situation. When she called 911 and I arrived on scene, I saw a woman who was very sick and very afraid. For the first time she was facing the fact that she was dying.

How should I respond to patients whose religious beliefs are so confusing to me? While I respect the differences, I become frustrated when a belief comes between my patient's health and my ability to help them.

Blog Famine Has Ended!

2008-03-29T13:13:00.003-05:00

I haven't exactly fallen off the face of Mother Earth, but it seemed that way for a while. Since I last wrote, I have been a bit on the busy side. After going through the application, testing and interviewing processes with two Kansas City metro fire departments, I took a Paramedic position with the Overland Park Fire Department. Yesterday we finished the academy and now I have two months of orientation with the crews before I will be on my own. Being a "probie" is harder than I expected, but I am pushing through just fine. I am very much looking forward to being on 24-hour shift again for the first time in years.

Anyway, I'll try to get back into the blogmosphere more often. Love to you all.

New Year's Resolutions

2007-12-28T08:33:00.000-06:00

Well, it's that time when we are all supposed to reflect on the past year and envision the next. As I walked into my warehouse store the other day, the entryway displays were all weight-loss suppliments, exercise equipment, and smoking cessation patches. I agree that getting in shape and being healthy are wonderful goals, but all of that seems like a canned answer. Isn't it easy to just choose from a list of the top 5 resolutions? I know that for years I have resolved the same thing, to get into great shape. Now it seems crazy to just keep naming the same thing each year knowing that I haven't changed much from the year before.

For 2008, I resolve to be more aware of my attitudes, beliefs and opinions. The resolution is not to change any one thing, but to examine myself in order to know who I am being and become the person I truly am.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year's Eve and Day. Celebrate your socks off! You deserve it, look at how far you have come in the last 525,600 minutes. Then, get ready, get set, and go! The next year of your life is ready for the makeing. Enjoy!

Right Where You Are

2007-12-12T10:24:00.000-06:00

Well, it's been on the news all over the country so you know that Kansas City and a whole bunch of other places is under an icy shell. We were fortunate in that it hasn't nearly been as bad as predicted. My heart goes out to all the folks without warmth and light. I am sending warm thoughts and love to my friends in Oklahoma City right now.

Before the ice came, we had a nice little snow. And unlike the weather in OKC, snow in KC stays on the ground for a while. It has been nice to see a white glittery layer of fluffy snow on the yard. It helps remind me that it is the holidays and to get in the spirit, even in the cold. I hate the cold and the idea of it being this cold without the redeeming beauty of snow makes me want to crawl beneath my warm flannel sheets and stay there until spring.

Some people know how to make the best of the weather. I know this, not because I have met them, but because they left the evidence in plain sight near the bus stop at work. There are snow angels and a bunch of snowpeople hanging around the bus stop. My favorite thing about them is that one is way too big to have been built by a single person waiting for a bus. It's tall and each section would have been too heavy to lift without help. I love the idea that a couple people or more whose only relationship is a bus route became a community of something more with a shared vision and a couple inches of snow.

Shared Experience

2007-12-03T18:20:00.000-06:00

Here's a new one for me. It's a little experiment. Today at lunch Hipchick, Mandy and I had a couple of interesting moments. Although it was shocking and bothersome, we were already engaged in quite a good conversation. Plus, it would have been a little socially inappropriate to discuss it any more than we already did. So, we have decided that we should all blog it and see what reactions we get and how the others experienced it. So, here we go...

We were having a nice relaxed lunch at a local Indian restaurant. It's a place that we meet now and again with a really good lunch buffet with lots of vegetarian options for me. They have an enormous television in the wall so they play Indian pop music videos.

We were seated at a table next to a older couple. Mandy went to wash her hands and Hichick hadn't arrived yet. So, there I sat at the table alone. The woman from the table next to ours had gone to play with the Nepalese waitress's very cute baby. That's when the man sitting less than two yards from me puked. What? Your horror at reading this scene can't compare to mine. I expected that next there would be an embarrassed look and a quick payment of the tab preceding a dash for the door. Nope. This guy seemed completely unflapped by the whole thing. Mandy came back to the table and I didn't mention it.

What I never thought of as anything other than a freakish isolated incident then happened again. As he started choking, Mandy suggested that I might have to leap into psuedo-paramedic action and save his life. Then he went ahead and did the confetti yawn again for us all to witness. Again, he acted as if he had no more than sneezed. Mandy looked appropriately shocked. Hipchick soon arrived and we went about lunch without mention of the all too recent biological functions.

At some point in our conversation and lunch, Mr. UpChuck went about his yacking at the table one more time. I was speaking to Hipchick at the moment so I, in the flow of the comment I was making, mentioned, "oh yeah, and this guy vomits every ten minutes or so." Hipchick was just to about react in absolute shock and ask if I was serious when Chucky Chuckerton demonstrated. Mandy and especially Hipchick were a bit more disturbed than I had been. Afterall, I have had lots of exposure to people ralphing very near or on me. If I let it ruin my meal, I'm in for a lot of hungry days.

Even basic training offered me an opportunity to strengthen the stomach. One day I was instructed to "break ranks" and eat a meal with trainees who were much earlier in their training than I was. This means that they had not yet figured out how to pace themselves quickly eating something small to sustain them during the day instead of giving into primal hunger instinct and madly shoveling food into their mouths. The guy next to me tried to eat about half of a hamburger in one bite. He choked and as he was nearly lost consciousness a Training Instructor did a couple abdominal thrusts until the trainee puked on the table. On strong suggestion of the TI, the trainee thanked the TI for "saving his fucking life" then resumed eating. Not a single person at the table stopped eating during this entire event. We all just viewed it as nearly 60 seconds more time for us to eat our meals without TIs screaming at us and kicking our table.

Do you think that the ability to deal with vomit is learned, something to which we adapt over time or an inherent trait? What would you have done at the restaurant?

Just more me, me, me

2007-11-28T09:10:00.000-06:00

Well, I said I would stop yapping about me and get us rapping about important matters. But, evidently I was kidding. Not to mention, you took off with the last entry, so I get a freebie.

Yesterday, I officially graduated. I turned in my clinical uniforms and name badge. An envelope containing my various certification cards was given to me along with certificate of completion suitable for framing. The magic click was made on the computer. Voila! I have met all of the requirements of my paramedic training. No more school, no more clinicals. All I have to do is take the National Registry exam (similar to the nursing boards) and I'll have my license. Not quite the Pomp and Circumstance type of graduation that most folks imagine, but ours is a different line of work and we do things a bit different.

Right now I am nursing my own wounds. There is a fancy little group of muscles that meet at a ligament in the shoulder. They like to be called the rotator cuff. I have taken my rotator cuff for granted. Until last month, I could move my arm in pretty much all directions and do fancy things like tuck in my shirt, wash my hair and take of a t-shirt without any pain or much thought at all. Then, after a flu shot, many successive days of working with my arms above my head trimming shrubs and sawing limbs, everything I did with my left arm hurt or just didn't happen at all. Like any good medical professional, I took loads of ibuprofen and tried to ignore it for about a month. Then I gave in and went to the doctor. She gave me a dose pack of steroids and a bunch of extra strength anti-inflammatory drugs. She also told me that she thought I had a partial tear of the rotator cuff and that I need physical therapy. My physical therapist agrees that I have a partial tear and doesn't think that I will need surgery if I can strengthen surrounding muscles to protect the shoulder while it heals. So three days a week I go to PT and learn how to do really simple exercises. I hate slow processes.

Anyway, this really is all of the ranting about myself that I want to do for a while. So, back to the madness of the world.

Coming Up For Air

2007-11-16T11:57:00.000-06:00

Yes, that is right. I have surfaced again! Used to get a chance to update the blog on my lunch break at work, but now our technology department has tightened the leash yet again and blogs are inaccessible. So, with a slow dial up connection at home and a nazi-like internet warden at work, entries have been few.

Today I am at the library getting some studying done for my last paramedic exam. I passed the practical exam in the first round and all of my clinicals are complete. That means all that is left is the test still known as 'the written' even though it is now done on computer. I will probably take it in the next couple of weeks. I am confident, yet nervous.

The new house is coming along well, just much slower than I had hoped. Part of the problem is that I have a partial tear of my rotator cuff. My left shoulder has been steadily more painful over the past month despite my babying it and tons of ibuprofen. After seeing my doctor this week, I am now on steroids, a mega anti-inflammatory, and will have physical therapy 3 days a week for the next month. Crazy what being in your thirties can do to you, isn't it? On the upside, Mandy wired and put in a new light for the entry way since I couldn't work with my arms above my head. It looks great!

Well, now that we are somewhat caught up, I'll try to get back on topic and blog about some of the issues soon. Oh, and by the way, today is a Third Friday, so don't forget to talk to your friends, families and co-workers about what we can do to end this war in Iraq and support our troops by bringing them home now.

I Can Be Bought

2007-10-03T09:22:00.000-05:00

When I try to be aware of the consumer nature of our culture, I notice how completely saturated with advertisement we are. From the arenas named for corporations, to the tiny logos on free ink pens, our eyes are bombarded with colorfully disguised commercials all day long.

It is becoming harder and harder to decode the messages. I remember in second grade we did an exercise in which we opened the newspaper and decided which elements were purchased. As a elementary student, it didn't seem that hard to distinguish the ads from the news. 25 (or so) years later, older, and supposedly wiser, I find it much harder.

Product placement in television and movies seems so funny to me. (See Mike Myers in Wayne's World.) By far though my favorite is the over de-emphasis of a product. For instance, I am watching my favorite sitcom and I see a character drink from a distinctly shaped and colored glass bottle that I associate with a certain beer, but the label is removed. Or better yet, they put a similar design label on the bottle, but instead of the brand it just says, "BEER". To me that is best because it is as if the company has said, no we will not pay you to put our bottle in your actors' hands for two seconds. Then, the show does it anyway, I still 'see' that certain beer, but nobody gets the money! Fabulous, isn't it?

Here's my question: who gets paid when it comes to certain placements that seem to benefit both the endorser and the endorsee? For example, a very popular MP3 player has jazzy-schnazzy commercials on television. Each commercial features a song by a little known or up-and-comer. Clearly the exposure for the artist will benefit them. Usually the song sticks in my head and I end up downloading it or looking for the artist's CD, just like they want. But the catchy tune also makes me, and the consumer public, think of the MP3 player, just like the company wants. Who wins?

Now, while you surf for the answer to who paid whom in the above question, notice how many ads your favorite search engine is sending you. Chances are on the main search page you are seeing still ads, animated ads, a banner or two, and a little video commercial along with the less obvious "popular searches" links. Have fun, keep your wallet in your pocket.

Every Third Friday

2007-09-21T08:09:00.000-05:00

Beginning today, 21 Sept 2007, every third Friday of the month is a day for action. Iraq Moratorium is an organization which works to bring about and end to the war in Iraq. They have declared that every third Friday is a day for awareness, education, protest, and action regarding the war.

I personally am asking each of you to do your part. Show your support for the troops by demanding that we bring them home. Wear a black ribbon or armband. Write letters to your representatives. Tell your co-workers and friends about Iraq Moratorium. Don't buy fuel. Go to www.iraqmoratorium.org and sign the pledge. None of these things is hard to do or will take much of your time or money. Each of these is a simple way to show your support for the men and women who dedicate their service to freedom.

Yesterday, the official number of U.S. troop deaths in Operation Iraqi Freedom was 3,786. The number of wounded and returned to duty was 15,399 and the wounded who did not return to duty totaled 12,537. Those numbers will be updated at 1000hrs Eastern time today and every day. When you look at the new numbers, think of the people whose lives are changed by them; the families and friends of the fallen, the emotionally and physically scarred. In a mere 24 hours of this war so many lives will be irreparably changed. Is it worth it? If you can't say yes, today and every third Friday hereafter is your chance to be heard and make change.

The Best Birthday Ever!

2007-09-15T08:22:00.000-05:00

Wednesday was an absolutely incredible day. I had the day off work on my birthday, which in and of itself, felt like some kind of miracle. Little did I know that sleeping in until 0645 was only the beginning of the joy that the day would hold.

I kicked off the day by having coffee with my beautiful wife and getting her out the door to her job with Habitat for Humanity. Then I was out the door to my appointment with my therapist. She is the bombdiggity and I love rapping with her. As I said, there are two kinds of people in this world; the ones with therapists and the ones who need a therapist. From there, lunch at Quiznos with Hipchick. (They changed the menu, so if you liked the old veggie sandwich, make sure you tell them to make it the old way.) After a quick lunch and some good conversation, Hipchick and I were off to our appointments with Jessie at Freaks for some tattoos! I got to go first and I am now the proud owner of a gorgeous new tat on my left arm. It's a Celtic influenced tree of life with a trio of triquetras embedded. The colors are amazing. Photos are coming soon, I promise!

Now, you might think that with all of this excitement, the day would be complete, right? No, my friends. There is still more to come. In fact, with all of the excitement, I locked my keys in my truck at the tattoo shop and Mandy had to come rescue me.

Mandy and I headed out to the VooDoo Lounge for a concert by none other than the Indigo Girls! They rocked solid for about two hours. The crowd was loud and the music was incredible. We were standing 12 feet from them. It was definitely the best concert experience I have had.

How much would you pay now? But wait! There's more!

After the concert we got to go up the their green room and meet Amy and Emily in person. We chatted for a minute, took a picture, tried not to act like star struck fools. It was great. They both wished me a happy birthday (like it could be any better) and Amy complimented my t-shirt and my tattoo... Amy Ray likes my tattoo [sigh]. It was like beams of light coming down on me and angels singing.

So that pretty much sums up the birthday this year. I have to say that it more than made up for the kind of lame birthday on a navy base in Africa last year. Where can it go from here?

It Was a Religious Experience

2007-09-03T13:43:00.000-05:00

I was interested to learn that a certain sect of Buddhist folks have an annual tattoo festival...

"One of the strangest events in the Buddhist calendar is the annual tattoo festival which is held at Wat Bang Phra, a Buddhist temple in Thailand, in March. The temple is situated 30km from Bankgok in Nathorn Pratom province. Each year thousands congregate here, some to have designs tattooed freshly onto their bare flesh, others to have their existing ones blessed." - www.about.com

Follow this link for more info and some great pictures.

Attention Single People, Pick Up in Aisle Three

2007-08-31T07:59:00.000-05:00

Listen up all you single folks who aren't meeting people in the bars, at work, at church etc.; your future partner may be waiting for you in the paint department at the local fix-it-up store.

Prepping the new house for move in is a lot of fun and a lot of work. It requires many trips to the Home Depot and Lowe's. This week, I was stopping by Lowe's on my way home from a clinical to pick up smoke detectors (who lives in a home for 6 years and never gets a single smoke detector?!) an a paint mixer and to look at some paint colors. While getting the smoke alarms, I was party to a minor cart collision with a lady and her cart of wallpaper boarders. We exchanged 'excuse me's' and moved on. Then in the paint section, I again passed her and she asked if I was a Paramedic. Since I was wearing classic 6 pocket navy blue pants teeming with penlights, shears, hemostats, etc. and a shirt that reads "Paramedic Intern", my smartypants self replied, "Was it the scissors that gave me away?" She smiled and we moved on. Then, she came to the other side of the paint swatches, way on the other side of the island where the paint fume delirium employees sit like vultures. She wanted my help on selecting a color to go over her bright red fireplace. Telling her that I wasn't anything more than a beginner didn't stop her. She wanted my advice. I told her my opinions and wished her luck. My mistake was saying, "Remember, I'm no professional. So you can't sue me if it doesn't work out." She said, "No, I can't sue you because I don't know your name. I've been looking all over your uniform but don't see it." Whoa. Stop looking all over my uniform. I am so grateful that my name tag broke the other day. Now, just to find that color that perfectly matches my wedding ring...

The very next day I was at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore looking, again, for paint. This guy walks up and asks if I am good with colors. What is the deal? Did some dating website run an article about picking up people in the paint section? Has 'are you good with colors?' taken up where 'what's your sign?' left off? Again, my smart-ass spouts out an answer before my instincts catch up, "Yeah, I'm real good with colors. I got straight 'A's in kindergarten. This one is blue, this one is white." Again, the response is a smile. These people need to get out more. He tells me that he is building a house and it isn't really ready for interior paint yet, but he is dreaming about when it will be.

I have to say that if I was single and in the market meeting someone at a home improvement store would probably be a good thing. Far less creepy that a lot of the stuff that goes on in the bars and other places. I've never been a fan of the workplace romance. But unfortunately, that is where we spend most of our time as adults. So, if you find yourself looking for someone to date, help fix-up a room or just talk latex versus enamel, head on down to your local Habitat ReStore where there's likely more than just paint mixin' it up.

Dear Blogger, Thank You (It's About Damn Time)

2007-08-25T10:03:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well. Blogger has finally undone the one big downside of its new format: the inability to link to other profiles by interests! Now we can bounce gleefully from blog to blog discovering folks around the world that read the same books or listen to the same music. Or better yet, we can read the yin to our yang and learn a little something about the other side of the story.

As far as an update on my life, I don't blog much lately since I have an orientee with me on every single shift. We bought a house (closed yesterday) and therefore will be moving in the next couple of weeks. Clinicals are slowly but surely getting done. I should be done by mid October. We are going to California next month for a vacation and I will take my practical exam then. Or should I say we are going so that I can text and have chosen to make it into vacation. Other than that, Mandy's new job is about to start, my nephew is still cute as a bug's left ear, work is busy, life is good.

How are things with you?

When the Bough Breaks...

2007-08-09T09:46:00.000-05:00

Last night there was a pretty heavy storm which moved through the area. Power at our house flickered a couple of times, but we didn't even have to reset most of the clocks. As I drove to work, I noticed some limbs down. My drive to work is short, a few blocks of urban build mixed with a few blocks of city parkscapes. The parks are inhabited with homeless folks of all ages. On suggestion of our minister, I have adopted these people into my morning prayers. They are my neighbors in the geographical sense as well as the spiritual sense. I see them daily on my drives to and from work. I know their habits, favorite sleeping spots, meal times, etc. This morning, when I saw the broken limbs laying in the places where I am used to seeing people, I was sad. I wondered where they went to be safe from the storm. I wondered if they are alright. I wonder if the three men who usually sit and have breakfast together at a quarter to seven were together today, supporting each other and communing as usual.

Who You Gonna Call?

2007-07-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

If you got to have a two minute phone conversation with George W. Bush, what would you ask?

I'm No Imposter

2007-06-23T17:58:00.000-05:00

I have been told that I look like Harry Potter. I'm not seeing it. What do you think?

Everytime my hair gets a little shaggy, people start with the Harry Potter comments. Of course, it only gets worse when a book and/or movie is released. The first time I was called HP, was my first deployment to the desert. My hair grows fast and opportunities for any kind of good haircut are few and far between. The result is a cross between The Beatles, Harry Potter, and that chick from The Weakest Link. (You remember, the 'goodbye' lady.)

Do you get told that you resemble anyone famous or infamous?

Ah, City Chicks

2007-06-21T16:21:00.000-05:00

The other day I was at the Rose Garden in beautiful Loose Park searching for a geocache which has now vexed me not once, but twice. While trying to keep my cool, I started listening to the various commentaries on the flowers and the weather as people walked by. Then I heard this one:

"Aw, look at the cute little bunny rabbit!"

"Um, that?"

"Yeah, so cute"

"Uh, that is a squirrel."

Sure enough, she was pointing in the direction of a normal size, shape and color squirrel. It's tail was long and fluffy and it's ears were short. How can an adult person confuse a squirrel and a rabbit?

Drat! Tagged Again!

2007-06-18T10:46:00.000-05:00

Here I am to post eight random things about myself. It will be hard to do. Not because it is hard to find them, but because it is hard to identify what exactly is random. I have been exposed to me for about 30 years now, so random is sort of my normal environment. Let me see if I can first tease them out and then narrow them down to eight.

1. When I was a little kid, I ate a scrambled egg for breakfast almost every day. Then one morning mom asked if I was ready for my egg and I told her no and that I didn't like them. I didn't eat another egg for about 20 years. Now, I still don't like them, but respect them as a vehicle for salsa, cheese, etc.

2. While in college, I rappelled off of several of the campus buildings under cloak of night.

3. I have a few grey hairs and I love them. I can't wait until my hair is totally grey. I mourn a little when one of the grey ones falls out. Every day I spend a minute or two looking in the mirror for the silver wiry hairs. Each one makes me happy.

4. Sadly my only known allergy is to Frangelico, the tasty hazelnut liqueur in the monk shaped bottle. I love the taste, but itch like mad after having some.

5. My life's biggest frustration is that I have attended (and have credit from) 4 different colleges, have had only two majors, have twice as many hours as required for an associate's degree, but still have no degree. Bloody algebra!

6. In the past 6 years, I have stood on 5 different continents.

7. Twice I have performed advance surgical airway procedures on cow tracheas, just the trachea.

8. My "religion" is a mixture of Native American Spirituality, Buddhism, Neo Paganism, Protestant Christianity, Science, and Ancestor Worship.

Something a Bit Lighter

2007-06-11T14:57:00.000-05:00

Well, the conference is over. So now I actually have a bit of time to sit and catch up on email and other things in the land of blog. Although I could bore you with the details of the three day neonatal and pediatric transport event, I won't. It was a lot of work and a lot of fun and really quite good as it turned out.

Since the conference is not a topic for discussion, and I haven't thought of any thing else at all for the last several weeks, I'll offer this question. Summer is upon us and it is time for the strawberry shortcake. My recipe is angelfood cake with fresh strawberries and Cool Whip. Mandy goes for pound cake, fresh berries and Rediwhip. What about you? Are you making little shortcakes, using frozen sweetened berries and freshly whipped cream? I hear that some people substitute biscuits for the shortcakes. Anybody have the ultimate in strawberry shortcake and willingness to share it?

Rest Easy, Dubya Does

2007-05-14T18:39:00.000-05:00

In today's issue of US News and World Report...

"Despite the many gathering storms, visitors to the West Wing are often struck by how serene the place is. It all flows from Bush's own peace of mind. Aides say he jokes and relaxes as much as ever, makes sure to get away from the Oval Office for mountain-biking jaunts several times a week (keeping his blood pressure low and, he says, clearing his head). And he reports that he sleeps well at night and doesn't allow the pressure to get to him."

Not too bad for a guy with a 35 percent approval rating at a time when 66 percent of his country believes he is on the wrong track.

I can say from experience that many Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines and their friends and families aren't sleeping nearly as well. Personally, I'd love a bike ride to clear my head right now, but I have to work (several times a week) to "put food on my family". Bush knows all about that. And about clearing his head, how long do you think that takes?

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs

2007-05-13T11:52:00.000-05:00

Isn't it easy to stereotype in traffic? It sure is for me. Even though I try to be open minded, I often catch myself making all sorts of assumptions about other drivers. I'm guilty of labeling the elderly as slow, cell phone users as inattentive, SUV drivers as eco-terrorists, truck drivers as rednecks, tiny sportscar drivers as men having mid-life crisis, etc. Pretty ironic for a chick who drives a small pickup while talking on her cell phone, right? It just naturally comes to me. I am a semi-professional heckler. Do you want a witty quip to shout at someone? I'm your girl. Traffic is the ideal environment for this; "Hey Muffy and Chad (young couple in Escalade), your mom said to bring back a bit of the pate for Fifi. Enjoy the party! Oh, and don't get anything on your sweater."

If you want to fuel the fire, put ignorant stickers on your car. If you are proud enough to put your kids' names on the back window, don't be surprised when people harass them by name. If it is important enough for you to display that marriage equals a stick figure in a skirt plus a stick figure without a skirt, be ready for a discussion on algebra and skirts and marriage.

This just wouldn't be fair if I didn't lend myself to the game. So, I drive a truck, rarely wash it, and am often seen traveling with my beagle. That's not quite equal footing is it? How about this; a few weeks ago I made a sign with a dove holding an olive branch and the words, 'End This Stupid War'. It is about one foot by two feet and is on the passenger side. I thought that it would be fairly inciting. Interestingly enough, I have had very little response. The best was from a big rig driver on I-70 who was waving a peace sign and giving a thumbs-up. Maybe I'll have to rethink my idea on truckers.

Tag! I'm It!

2007-04-24T11:57:00.000-05:00

So, I have been 'tagged'. I realized that I had been so tagged on the same day that I had posted the previous (please continue to read and comment there). As I read Hipchickmamma's blog, I found out that she wants me to display to the world the top 6 things that make me weird. Come on, seriously. All this little exercise will do is illustrate to you all what I don't know about myself. I can already hear the comments... 'What about (x, y, and z)? Doesn't she know that is really weird?' Anyway, here I go!

1. My thoughts aren't in verbal form in my head. Evidently this is not the usual because other people I talk to about this say that they think in words and sentences.

2. I like to brush my teeth with warm water. It makes the toothpaste foam more and doesn't give me a headache in the morning.

3. My feet move a lot when I am thinking. Some people who know me well can tell about what I am thinking by how I move my feet. (My feet are moving right now.)

4. I make up words and regularly use them. For instance, lonious [lo-nee-us] refers to the qualities of a really comfortable thick pair of socks. i.e. 'I have to wear some lonious socks for this hike since my boots are new.'

5. My sister and I still re-enact events from our childhood, many of which originally were 'enacted'.

6. I hate movie theaters. To me, they are the most disgusting public establishments. I regard them as giant petri dishes teeming with pathogens of all sorts. I can hardly enjoy a movie and therefore usually opt to rent the DVD.

Okay, feel free to tell me what I missed. I know that you all are, hmm, interesting yourselves, so consider all of you tagged.

Do you have a couple more minutes to waste? Click here.

Cultivating Hope

2007-04-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

Like everyone else, Virginia Tech is on my mind. I have to admit that on Monday, simply because of proximity, something else was my biggest stressor. But, know that I have had some time to hear about it and to consider it, I am growing increasingly shocked by the event.

Today I got a email asking if I had been trained in responding to such things when I worked in campus law enforcement. Sure, it was discussed, just like it probably had been by the VT law enforcement. But, really how do you prevent this kind of thing?

This is not to be confused with the gun control debate, nor the debate on at what point law enforcement should be forced to intercede in someone's antisocial behavior. What I am asking is what causes violence? Is it something that is potentially inside of everyone? Is it something to which some are prone and others are immune? Is it a learned response (the video game argument)? Of something else all together?

I have theory that if society was more openly loving and compassionate as a whole, then fewer people would act out violence. The 'case studies' of school shooters and other violent persons usually contain the profile of the unloved kid, the outcast, the misunderstood, the friendless. First of all, if you didn't identify with any of that list, count yourself lucky. Most people, at some time, feel those things. A psychologist who specialized in the profiling of perpetrators of mass violence said that most of them have suicidal thoughts before acting out homicidal thoughts. Can you imagine the kind of despair that makes a person not only end his or her own life, but to kill others first? That person's life must be so dark that he or she can't even see the value of someone else's. I believe that if we bring so much love and compassion into the world that it's undeniable presence impacts the life of each person daily, there will be no more violence. Until we at least begin to address this as a goal, there is no point in forming committees to examine guns and schools and all of the other details. We need to look at the root cause so that we can stop wasting time, money, energy and lives on temporary solutions.

WARNING: Heresy to Follow.

2007-04-09T20:14:00.000-05:00

"Without Easter, Christmas would be meaningless." - Said by Bill in Moore, OK about 13 years ago.

What are we celebrating? Easter always confuses me. I dig the idea of setting aside time to reflect on newness of life and becoming the Christ, but why do we always have to wrap Easter violence? I don't know exactly how or when the Church (intentional capital) made the cross the focus of the sacrifice of Jesus. There is so much more to who Jesus was than just a victim of political execution. (Although, that is a pretty important piece of the whole.) If in the time of Jesus the mode of execution was something other than crucifixion, would we be wearing it around our necks? If we find out tomorrow that, without question, Jesus was hung, will we trade in our gold and silver cross pendants for little gallows? What is meant by the resurrection? I think that some people have confused the mythology of bodily resurrection with the making/becoming of the Christ. Theologically, I am in over my head. But I ask those of you who self identify as Christian: What is it Easter celebrates? Was Jesus literally pulseless, breathless and cold for 3 days?

Don't get me wrong. I have a true appreciation of the Easter spirit and of what Easter can be, but is that really apparent in the rush to church on Big Sunday in our new clothes?

It was so "Chariots of Fire"

2007-04-02T19:54:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I ran in a 44 mile relay race with some friends from work. The race is called the "Brew to Brew" and it is a benefit for Cystic Fibrosis. I am not at all a runner, but with good cause, good people and a day off work, I just had to jump in there. Although I am tired and sore today, I admit it was a lot of fun. I'd do it again.

Now there are runners and there are serious runners. I am neither, but I have friends who are both. I love to work out, but when I do cardio I head for a bike, elliptical... anything but the treadmill. If I do get on the treadmill, I am punishing myself for skipped workouts and indulgent desserts. I whine the whole time, at the end I feel like I really accomplished something and therefore earned myself a few days off the treadmill and back in my comfort zone of bikes, steppers, and ellipticals. The whole thing deepens my admiration for the runners and the serious runners of the world.

Serious runners, I know that you are already cringing reading this. I can hear you exclaiming, "Skipped workouts?! And what the hell is she doing on a treadmill? Those are for members of AARP and days with heavy icing conditions!" Please remember that I despise running and refer back to the 'good cause, good people' clause.

My team was comprised of serious runners (marathon vets, etc.), runners (people who enjoy it and do it often) and me. We had to have some item to act as the baton and we selected the "Procedure Primate", the office mascot which is a small plush monkey. I sewed elastic between his arms and legs to make him into an armband. It had to be the most annoying thing to try to carry ever imagined. By the end, he had been cursed by each of us and had been carried in some very unusual ways. (Let your imagination run wild. No pun intended)

I was the second "runner" and my leg was 5.2 miles. Definitely the longest I have run in a long time. The only time I ran farther was a 10K more than 10 years ago. It was so fun to hear all the cheering as the runners came to the relay point. There were all sorts of rituals: belly bumps, shots, theatrical mock explosions, beer bongs, chants, and even push-ups. My team just shouted encouragement, offered water and beer and slaps on the back. As we saw our lead runner coming in, I felt so nervous, especially since I had just discovered that my leg started with the ascent of a spiral entrance to a pedestrian bridge. Two people blazed past me as I panted halfway up the steep ramp. I made it into the long straightway and the strong head wind dried my eyes and mouth. It was brutal. At the end of my leg, my team was there cheering and I passed on our chimp and the number bib. One of our serious runners took off for his double leg. We all felt so vindicated later when our last runner came across the line. She has already bagged 13 "Brew to Brews" and several marathons. She swore at the wind and said that it was the hardest thing she had ever done.

All said and done, I didn't set any records, but I did something that I never would have done if not for knowing that my team was counting on me. We had a blast and I'll do it again next year. So, what are you waiting for? Go do something crazy, put yourself into it and see what you get back.

Excuses, Excuses.

2007-03-30T11:13:00.000-05:00

Okay, I know that I have neglected my blog for some time now. I would love to be able to report that I was in some state of spiritual retreat, running an extreme adventure race, or saving baby pygmy hippos. But, actually, I had a very 'intense' (they don't like us to say stressful) week at work followed by a week gone to Louisiana. I know, this doesn't really justify my virtual absence, but I should be back on track now.

I was semi-productive on my days off this week. I went to my sister's baby shower, fixed the truck, had it inspected, did massive amounts of laundry, dropped off laundry at the tailor, cleaned out the garden, and mowed the yard.

Mowing is a task that I truly enjoy. When the weather is nice or even really hot I actually hope to have the time to mow. My landlord is takes care of the yards, but it isn't frequent enough for a miniature beagle with skin allergies. When I try to explain what kind of mower I have, people don't get it. I say that it isn't a powered mower and they say that theirs isn't self propelled either. Then I explain that it is a reel cutter and they say that they like a reel better than a single blade too. If I tell them that it doesn't use gas or have an engine, they ask if it runs on a battery or has to be plugging into an extension cord. At the point where they finally understand, they give me the look. I'll own it all! I am a cheap-ass, tree-huggin', fuel-sparing, system-fighting, convention-shunning, health-nut lawn mower.

People always watch me mow. Some offer to their lawn mowers to help. My neighbor who said that my mower was 'old school' asked if he could use it after I was done. He took it and looked at it and asked, "How do you start it?"

Where are you?

2007-03-07T15:44:00.000-06:00

I am an interesting and frustrating combination of introversion and extroversion. There are times when I feel a really strong need to be alone, but other times and more often, being in a group is the only way that I can think, process and understand myself. Over the past 15 years or so, I have taken the Myers Briggs personality indicator several times for different jobs and groups. Every single time, regardless of all the variables of life, my result has been ENFP or Extrovert, iNtuitive, Feeler, Perceiver. (The absolute converse would be Introvert, Sensing, Thinker, Judger.) I agree with this assessment. It seems to fit me and has been helpful to me in identifying some of my analytical processes and behaviors. Although I generally fall near the line in the Extrovert/Introvert category, I know that I most often crave the interaction of a small group. That is where I get my energy.

If there is a bit of god in each of us (and I do believe that there is), perhaps the reason that we seek community is because god feels disjointed and is seeking to be whole. This fractioned god is the driving force within each of us, driving us to become whole ourselves by uniting with the rest of our true self, the good and divine nature of our being.

Hey Universe! Thank You!

2007-03-02T11:08:00.000-06:00

I received a gift from the Universe. Now, maybe that sounds like I am trying to say something existential, but oh no. The other day, there came a package in the mail. It was addressed to both me and Ms. Trouble by first and last name. The only return address was "Universe" and the same for the signature on the card. The gift was a book. One that I look forward to reading.

I can accept that the book is a gift from the Universe. But obviously someone had to be the hands and postage payer on behalf of the Universe. Part of me really wants to know who is that person. Of course as soon as I saw the return address my mind started formulating the list. Then, upon recognizing the ZIP code from which it was mailed, the list was instantly updated. Several of the A list suspects have already denied any knowledge or involvement. It has been interesting to see the reactions. Another part of me doesn't want to know. What a wonderful gift it is just to have a mental list of all the people who might send you an anonymous gift! Think about that for a minute. There is a lot of love out there, huh? Think about how many people have you on their list. Isn't it great! Now think about all the people who should have you on their list but don't. Maybe it's time to let them know that you do love them, think of them, and wish them happiness today.

By the way if you aren't the person who physically put the package in the mail, but you are on my list, thank you too! Evidently you do something that touches me. And if you are the person that did some errands for the Universe, thank you not only for the book, but for the list and for the reminder to pay it forward.

The "I"'s Have It.

2007-02-26T13:28:00.000-06:00

It is customary to capitalize the beginning letters of names. In Christian writing, the common practice is to capitalize all the pronouns referring to God and to Jesus. For instance, when Jesus is quoted, the English readers will see his reference to Himself as "Me" and "My."

In English, we are also taught to capitalize the first person reference, "I", but not the object form or possessive forms. We do not, however, capitalize the second person nouns (you, he, she) or plurals (we, they).

Why the hell not? Is there a connection with our capitalization of the sacred and our lack of it with those who are other than self?

i invite You to postulate...

Whirled Peas?

2007-02-21T11:58:00.000-06:00

I'm just gonna jump right in on this one. Do you think that world peace is a real possibility? Can you imagine a time when there is no conflict among people?

I do and I can. Maybe we won't see it in our lifetimes, but it is a real and attainable thing. Recently this topic popped up in conversation and the other person says that she doesn't think there will ever really be peace. She said, "We wouldn't know what to do." She also speculated that if there was a moments, even a nanosecond of peace which encompassed the earth, it would be the end of the world.

To me, every time we as Christians talk about bringing about the kingdom of heaven, this is what we are talking about. If i can't hope that there will eventually be peace, I don't really have a reason to keep working for it. We can't accept peace for some or peace for a moment. Who would we be willing to leave out?

On a side note, The Great Conservative Fighter is back in action! I am so pleased to announce that my friend who introduced me to the blogging world in the first place has reinstated his blog. If you have an interest in current politics and enjoy lively debate, this is the place for you. Be warned, it's not for the timid.

Getting Back Into Wack!

2007-02-15T08:33:00.000-06:00

Well, I don't know what exactly wack is, but when we are out of it, things just aren't right. Evidently, my chakras weren't doing exactly what it is that they do. I'm not sure which is more interesting; the fact that both the person I know and was physically present with me and the person I don't know and was not near me had the same findings, or that a person can see into you from a distance. (My cat was sitting in my lap during the time that Mary would have examined me from afar. Do you think that perhaps some of the cat's energy was 'seen' due to proximity?)

Hipchick in fact did agree with the locations that Mary mentioned. Of course, here in our instant gratification world, I hoped that they would tell me exactly what it means and how to fix it. I think that I anticipated a full report and estimate like one gets at the car repair center. All of these silly ancient arts and their constant direction to intraspection and self awareness; what do they want of us, a little bit of effort in our own wellbeing. Seesh!

Much in the same way that I read a horoscope (the kind found in astrology textbooks, not the campy one's in the periodicals), I found places in my chakra analysis where I could identify and places that didn't make much sense to me, at least not right now. I'm not really a believer in the stars, but I am not ready to toally write off all validity either. If nothing else, this has inspired me to improve my meditation and prayer habits by focusing on the meaning and needs of some of the elements that make me a whole person.

I like the idea that we are so connected as creatures living on this mudball we call Earth that a gifted and skilled person can 'see' my energy without even knowing me or being near me. The reiki that I experienced with Hipchick was calming and interesting. She explained to me that she simply acts as a conduit for the energy, it doesn't come from her. All this sounds like one more way in which prayer takes shape from time and culture, but eventually all points back to the truths that we are all connected and that there is something/one bigger than us which/who wants us to be whole and well and happy.

The experiment is not complete yet. Hipchick is going to continue to practice reiki on me and I'll be sure to report more as time goes on. As for you and your chakras, I wish you the best. Maybe someone can 'take a look' at you too.

The Great Chakra Famine of 1955

2007-02-05T17:21:00.000-06:00

My mother is reading a book about Feng Shui. There is a section about chakras and their relative alignment. I would say that I am skeptical about the whole thing. Mom, on the other hand, simply believes that she is chakraless. I guess she has a point; why get an alignment for something you don't have? (Her contention is that none were distributed in her birth year due to shortage. )

My methodology will be something like this; when I get curious enough, I'll try it. Until then, I will have to believe that there is some validity to it. Innocent until proven guilty, I guess.

What is your way of handling something with which you have no experience? Do you dive in and try it? Do you stand and observe, study, avoid or dismiss it?

Let the Sun Shine, Let the Sunshine in!

2007-02-02T18:00:00.001-06:00

"I think you should park your truck the other direction."

That was it. She just said that. So, I asked why. She told me that the huge slab of ice which had been created and hardened in the process of snowing, melting, refreezing and snowing again that resided in the back of my truck would probably melt if I parked in the opposite direction. That's what she told me as we left the house.

As we returned, I pulled into the drive way all cattywhampus and started to back in. When asked what I was doing and I told her that I was taking her suggestion. I know that she was thinking, "There's a first time for everything" but, she was nice enough not to say it. By the next day, less than half of the ice remained.

What else? Where else in my life are the conditions right except for the one little thing that I control? When else could I have reduced my frustration of waiting for the proverbial ice to melt by simply turning around and facing the light? Every huge change starts with a little one, right? Stop waiting for the conditions to change, the rest of the world might be waiting for us to make our moves. Do yourself and all of the world a favor today. Park something in your life the other way. Do it just once and see what else changes.

Who Loves This Guy More Than He Himself?

2007-02-02T18:00:00.000-06:00

I have to take a moment to rant on the CinC. Seriously, at what point to you have to stop and say, you know what, maybe you're right, this isn't a good idea? I thought it would have been a long time ago. But, at the point when everyone in the world, even your usual allies and friends are shaking their collective head, just stop and re-evaluate for a minute. If I continue to pour fuel on a fire and the flames just keep getting bigger, is the answer more fuel in hopes that it will eventually consume all its available oxygen?

Dear U.S. Congress,
Please stop the ride. I want off now. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Trouble

Hot Pink, High Heels and Tattooed Knuckles

2007-01-31T12:25:00.000-06:00

Last night, a friend made a reference to a Barbie game. I did my usual twisting something I just heard slightly and then making some wisecrack about it. I said, "I didn't know that Barbie was in a gang." Instead of the rolled eyes, chuckle correction, "I said game!" I expected, I got quick and witty responses based on what the Mattel gang just might look like. We had Barbie leading the gang, chillin' in the Dream-House and rollin' in the convertible. It was weird just how quickly we could picture the whole thing and how easily the vernacular came to us. It was surprisingly easy to assign gang behavior to Ken, Barbie and the others.

I recall a training session from a previous job where we were asked to make a list of the qualities of gangs and gang members. About 20 of us had no trouble filling the chalkboard: similar attire, mottoes, corporate behavior, loyalty, etc. Then we were asked if the long list could apply to other groups aside from gangs. In fact, if we eliminated only one quality, illegal acts, the list applied to about everyone. The military is no big surprise, but how about sports teams, the Boy Scouts, co-workers, nursing home residents? Yes, by our standards all gangs if only they jointly commit a criminal act. But wait a minute, who decides what is and is not a crime? Oh yeah, the man. Hmmm. Interesting, huh?

So, have you figure it out yet? To which gangs to do belong? What is your morale code? How do you gain acceptance? While you dig in on that one, I'll be kickin it with Barbie and the Girlz. If you see us rollin' the the pink convertible with the top down in your hood, don't even try to catch us ridin' dirty.

Trouble out!

Wrap It All Up with a Big Ugly Bow

2007-01-30T14:06:00.000-06:00

Since I have been having a delayed Christmas, giving and receiving gifts is on my mind right now. Receiving certainly has it's own set of problems. For discussion on this, head over to HipChickMamma's blog for insights. Today, giving has been on my mind.

I remember the first time I read Thich Nhat Hanh's interpretation of the Buddhist idea of gift giving. Most interesting to me was that the giver should have some sacrifice in order for the act of giving a gift to occur. Whoa there, just a minute; doesn't this insinuate that there was attachment? I instantly thought of being in Jr High. At the time of the annual food drive, I would go to the pantry and dig out all of the dusty cans of cheap veggies that I didn't like, pack them into a bag and with a swollen pride deliver them to the big box at the school. Sure maybe the food went to someone who could appreciate it much more than me. But, did I give a gift? Certainly not by the standard of Thay.

A certain amount of attachment just might be a good thing. I can think of times that had I not be attached to a certain degree, I would have been highly susceptible to apathy and jadedness. As Christians, we are taught not to become attached to worldly goods. As Buddhists, we are told that there is a danger to attachment in general and that attachment to the illusion of the world is a hindrance to ending our suffering. As medical personnel, we are instructed early on about the boundaries of professionalism and getting to close to patients.

I like the idea of sacrifice being a qualifier for true giving. It makes me more mindful and puts things into perspective. I look at each act of superficial giving in a better way. Now I think, this isn't a gift, this is just me practicing a way of life that is full of sharing. This new evaluation is a good way for me to start thinking more about my place in community.

Now, back to the issue of attachment. I don't think what Thay is getting at is that true giving requires an object to which the giver is attached. Sometimes the act of giving itself is a sacrifice of pride or comfort. I say that for this reason, in some way, attachment is requisite for the gift. Without attachment, where is sacrifice? So, doesn't attachment create a venue for giving?

Jet lagged Social Re-integration and Me

2007-01-23T10:10:00.000-06:00

It's so difficult to write about experiences which involve so many people and places while honoring every one's anonymity and respecting the sensitive nature of the military operations in Southwest Asia. The funny part is I don't think that I could tell you anything that you haven't already seen on CNN. My job just isn't that 'Secret Squirrel'. At any rate, I can't have the Men in Black come to my door and zap me with that flashy thing, now can I?

As always, it wasn't the location, the amenities, the work or anything else that made this trip into what it was. It was the people. Good times, bad times, whatever, we were in it together and to a great extent we had created it together. There is no good way to describe what it is like at a base like Camp Cupcake. It is constantly functioning, day and night. There are a zillion people, but none of them is acting quite right or human most of the time. Aside from people with whom I worked, there was no interaction. Dressed in identical clothes, we walked around the base to the chow hall, to the laundry, even to the coffee shop with little expression and no eye contact. One person theorized that we were so tired of saluting each other that we gave up eye contact as an exchange for lack of recognition.

Eventually, after some trial and error, I found the people who would keep me sane and grounded. Not a bit to my surprise, they were the night shift folks. Why is it that I always bond with the nocturnal types? We had tea and conversation almost nightly and that is what made the time fly. Once again laughter, meaningful communication and genuine friendship came in and saved me. My only regret is that I only found it in the last month or so that I was there. But things happen when they are supposed to, right?

Being home is a process. It's interesting what things I still do without any thought at all and what takes a bit of concentration. Driving hasn't been as much of an adjustment as I thought it might, but I can't remember where certain things in the kitchen are! And please, cut me some slack when I forget how to act in public. I went to a elementary school program to see a friend's daughter speak at the DARE graduation. When the lady seated behind us was acting more childish than most of the students at whom the principal was glaring, I just about came unglued. How long will the "she just got back into the country" excuse last? I'm banking on at least a month of justification.

The other day I stopped in at work just to say hello and let them know that I was home and would be back to work soon. It was wonderful to see everyone. At the same time I want to jump back into life head first, but yet I need some time for quiet and have to pace myself so that it isn't so overwhelming. Re-integration is what they call it. It is quite the social experiment for an extrovert like myself.

Did you ever wake up and think, "Where am I?"

2007-01-20T11:58:00.000-06:00

So, the military has the last laugh when they send me home. For instance, they tell me that I am leaving with only one hour to pack up 5 months of $#!+. Of course, I don't care because I am headed home and that is precisely why they do it. For their amusement, they have the advantage of the time zones; one can actually fly for a total of 32 hours and still land on the same day she took off. Then they also do little tricks like book my commercial flight from BWI to depart 15 minutes before my arrival. At the point where I am on what I thought would be the final leg of my trip to Oklahoma City, we are told that there was an accident on the only open runway at the OKC airport. The other one is closed due to ice. At this point, I am on the smallest commercial aircraft known to humanity. The one flight attendant and one pilot are cracking me up with their less than formal briefings (substitute "Flight attendants, please prepare the cabin for landing" with "Hey Ken, tell 'em to get ready for landing and stuff.") We are circling the area for so long that I, still in uniform, smelling like a goat, and so sleep deprived that I can't distinguish what is appropriate as an airline passenger versus a member of the crew come up with some "ideas". Crew resource management is encouraged in the crewmember setting, telling the pilot to just put her down in OKC at Wiley Post (small, municipal airfield) and call a bus is not so much appreciated. We ended up landing in Wichita KS for fuel while the other runway in OKC was de-iced. I arrived quite a bit late, but to the best and most beautiful smile on earth.

One shower, dinner and miniature coma later, we were on the road to Kansas City, driving to beat the impending snow and ice. Home is the best feeling in the world.

When the jetlag wears off and the sand is washed away from all my 2000 lever parts, I'll be sure to post some interesting tales from my travels. Thanks so much for all of your support for me and my family while I was gone. I always knew that there were people at home loving me and praying for me. We got through it! So, now back to the real world!

Hasta Luego

2006-08-22T18:23:00.000-05:00

Today was my last day at work until after I get back from deployment. there was all kinds of craziness, including the total failure of our hospital email/paging system. Even the copier was down. It was like the Flintstones around here. Other than that, it was up (having Chipotle for lunch) and down (stressing about how to keep Mandy insured while I'm gone.) You can't imagine how much I am going to miss work!

This will probably be my last post until after I get back. Keep an eye out for updates via email and Mandy's blog. I'll be back before you know it.

I can't believe I have become such a blogster! Aside from my good friend Steve's blog of yore, I never thought I could enjoy the world of blogs. And now I will actually miss blogging while I am gone. Who knew?

Please take good care of yourself! Talk to you soon.

Love,
Trouble

You May Experience Some Discomfort

2006-08-16T14:29:00.000-05:00

How do you handle awkward conversations? I have found that putting it off, or trying to avoid it altogether, usually results in an ever more awkward conversation. Trying to make it sound normal or pretending that it isn't awkward just makes it weird or disgenuine.

I think that the problem, for me personally, is that I am a hyper-emotional person who doesn't always know the best/most socially acceptable way to express it. Maybe it would be better if we did just lay out our feelings all the time. Wouldn't that be a great culture in which to live? No one would have to worry about where he or she stands with family, co-workers and friends. We'd have no stress about pent up feelings. I wouldn't have to stress out about how to handle it when I have my "everyone must be told how much I love them" phases.

Lately, my method has been to start by saying, "This is going to be an awkward conversation." I think this is helpful. It sets the stage and at least acknowledges the fact. It works for me. What do you do?

Men With Hats, Remove Your Hats & Shoes

2006-08-15T13:22:00.000-05:00

Here's something for us to sing while waiting in screening lines or watching the warning colors change:

S-A-F-E-T-Y Safety-dance!

Ah you can scan if you want to, we can leave our drinks behind
Cause beverages and salves in carry-on bags
Well they’re no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to, a place where they will never find
And we can act like we were born in a barn
Take our shoes off in the line
But, we can dance

Well, you can frisk if you want to, but no weapons will you find
Cause, I won't chance to wear even my pants
Well they’re are no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to, if we don't mind an exam
But they can't okay a Starbucks latte
Or anything softer than Spam
But, we can dance.

I say we can dance, we can dance like everything's under control
We can dance, we can dance were doing it for the show
We can dance, we can dance everybody empty your bag
We can dance, we can dance nobody's takin’ a chance

Safety dance!

Oh well the safety dance
Ah yes the safety dance

S-A-F-E-T-Y Safety-dance!

We can dance if we want to, we’ve got all your life and mine
As long as we intrude it, never gonna lose it
Everything’ll work out right
I say, we can dance if we want to we can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well they’re are no friends of mine

I say we can dance, we can dance like everything's under control
We can dance, we can dance were doing it for the show
We can dance, we can dance everybody empty your bags
We can dance, we can dance nobody’s takin’ a chance

Oh well the safety dance
Ah yes the safety dance

48 Hours of Pure Disregard For Everyone Else

2006-08-09T16:20:00.000-05:00

Well, except for the time spent celebrating the 90th birthday of Mandy's grandmother, I was taking care of number one last weekend. It was pretty nice. If you want a total run-down (which I recommend) please see Mandy's blog.

We squeezed into one weekend more than a weeks worth of beach time. We were up for sunrise both mornings and it was well worth it! I am not at all a morning person (those of you who know me best can stop laughing right now.) So, everytime I do see a sunrise, I can't help but think of all the times I take it for granted; I just sleep through it or in the winter I might see it on the helipad monitor.

I remember the time that I was probably only about four years old and Mom made me get up for the Easter sunrise service. It was really overcast and when it was over I was really pissed off. I told her there was no point in doing that again since the sun didn't even rise that day.

I hope that I can start to see the "sunrise" moment in everyday, mindful that I don't have to be overlooking the ocean, remembering that even on the darkest, cloudy days, the sun is still my gift to appreciate.

Oh, How Mothers Do Worry

2006-08-02T18:42:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, my mother and sister were in town visiting. I had a meeting at work so they came to the hospital with me to just hang out while I went to my one hour meeting. I stopped by the office to ask if the pilot would give them a quick tour of the helicopter while I was detained.

As we were all standing there a lady knocked at the door, and when it was opened we could see that she held a small styrofoam container. She announced, "I have a baby head." I took the container, thanked her, and sat it on the counter.

I went to my meeting. They went to the heliport. We met back up and carried on.

That night we were talking about what they thought of the helicopter and my job in general. Mom said, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask; was that really a baby's head in that box?" I replied with laughter, "Not a live baby's head!" She quickly piped back, " I didn't think it was live!"

After I explained that it had never been living, it was a training mannequin, she felt much better. She told me that she expected that we all get a bit jaded working for a pediatric hospital, but never thought that I could just casually take a baby's head and sit it on a counter. It's good to hear that from your mother, I think.

How about you? How's work?

Two Loaded Questions

2006-08-01T15:08:00.001-05:00

MTV (aka empty vee) has celebrated its 25th birthday. On CNN's list of top 25 moments in MTV history, it is mentioned that MTV invented the reality TV show with "The Real World." I wonder if they are also willing to take the blame for the recent explosion of reality crap TV.

Question # 1: On which of the reality TV shows (past or present) would you most like to be? If your answer is a cable program, please give me a short description so that I will get the idea. (That's right, I haven't had cable in years.)

Question #2: (a) Is reality TV making society more competative? (b) Is it good or bad?

Ti-i-i-ime is on My Side

2006-07-27T17:53:00.000-05:00

I never new how renewing taking off clinicals would be. How did I not appreciate this time before? Not that I can really remember a time before class.

This week Mandy and I have rearranged the living room, had friends over for dinner, biked about 11 miles and hiked about 5.5 miles together. Spending time together is a joy that I have really missed. I feel wonderful.

One of the adventures that we shared the other day was after our hike in Burr Oak Woods. We found a picnic table and unpacked our lunches. Closeby was a woman with an infant and a young girl, around 7 years old. As they packed up, they loaded into the car and pulled up to the dumpster.

The girl was a shrieker. A bug is on her leg, she shrieks. A leaf falls on her sandwich, she shrieks. Basically, every possible stimulus causes her to shriek. This is why I was not surprised when she went to the dumpster, lifted the lid, shrieked, tossed in her trash, and jumped back into the car. The part that did surprise me is when the lady got out of the car, lifted the lid and said, "Oh, there are three. Hello there babies."

I took the bait. They pulled away and I walked to the dumpter, looked inside and saw three, small, panting racoons. They were cowaring in the corner together in the shade. They didn't want to be seen so they closed their eyes and turned away their heads. The level of the trash was low so they couldn't get out. Who knows how long they had been in there, but it was incredibly hot.

We found a big branch and put it in the dumpster hoping they would climb out. No luck. We tempted them with shiny wrappers and gooey energy bars. Nothing. I thought about banging on the side of the dumpster but didn't want to upset them more than they already had been. They just wanted to stay in the little shadow they had.

So, we raised the other half of the lid and stood back. Taking away the shade did the trick. The first climbed out pretty quickly with the second shortly behind. The third was very slow and confused. He walked up to the top of the branch and back down into the dumpster several times. He panted, swayed, clammered for footing. After minutes of self rescue attempts, he finally found the way to climb out.

We hoped that they had water very near by. They all seemed so dehydrated, the third was so sick. I trust most animals to take care of themselves more than most humans. They trust their instincts. I expect all three to make a speedy recovery.

I Ink, Therefore I Am

2006-07-21T11:45:00.000-05:00

Decisions are so hard for me. When choosing each of the two small tattoos I have, I made sure that I was certain for a year before I had them permanently marked. I figured that if I could wake up everyday for a full year wanting the same tattoo in the same place, then I would probably be pretty happy with it in the long run. So far, so good. I have never regretted them in the 9 and ten years I've had them.

Now, I have waited for years to decide on the next one. The problem is that I have "decided" on four. I don't think that I should get four although I really like them all. I also like my marriage. Choosing one will be hard, so I am soliciting your help.

Jesus Christ Superstar Angels, right trapezius/scapula: always loved the interpretation of Jesus and Judas, great music, memories of my time of spiritual deconstruction/reconstruction

Tree of Life, right leg below the other two tat's: strong connection to spirituality and nature, reminder of the close, simple, tangible creator at work

Aramaic quote from Gospel of Thomas Saying #77b&c, around my right ankle: Some of Jesus' most beautiful words, one of his more "Buddhist" sayings, a nice reminder that we are all sacred and surrounded by the sacred all the time

My electrocardiogram tracing (Lead II) in green, around my left ankle: evidence of the mind blowing mystery of life, the "thing" that drove me into emergency medicine, a visible connection to something that can be felt and heard

So, what do you think?

Politics, Religion, and That Third Thing

2006-07-21T09:36:00.000-05:00

I really can't remember the third thing that should never be discussed among friends. Is it money? Oh well.

Last night I had a great conversation with coworkers about salvation. The stem question was the age old, "If there is a person in some remote, tribal village, and she never hears anything about Christianity and never accepts Jesus, will she go to hell?"

My short answer is no. My long answer starts with the idea that no one goes to hell. Why would the god who created us set us up for failure? I just don't understand the thinking that God loves me and fully knows me, but there are choices I can make that will cause God to eternally punish me.

I know a person who said that God doesn't send us to hell, we create our own hells. If I define sin as separation from god, now doesn't that make a lot of sense? What do you think?

I Have Survived Camp!

2006-07-10T11:11:00.000-05:00

Well, we made it home from camp and what an experience it was! Chiggers, blisters, twisted ankles, cuts, scrapes, bruises, and my favorite: one leech. (Yes, I know that wasn't a sentence. Please forgive my grammar.) I had a great time and am exhausted. The last night I was pretty sad, feeling the let-down of camp drawing to an end.

This year's highlight for me: On the night hike, I point out the big dipper in the sky. One little girl sees it and tells me that it's the first time she has every seen a constellation. She says, "My brother is gonna be so jealous when I tell him." Camp fee : $150, Bug Spray $4, City kid sees the big dipper for the first time: Priceless.

I'll post pictures when I can, but there are none of me singing for my mail since you slackers didn't write.

Random Story

2006-07-01T16:41:00.000-05:00

Okay, for a couple of days now I have been trying to post a very important pole, but it won't upload right and the visuals are very important. So, in the interim, I'll share with you a very random story of my past. (Insert misty fade-out to indicate flashback.)

My partner back 3 jobs ago and I had a standing date. Every shift that we worked together at 0400 hours, we would go to Dunkin Donuts and get the rent-a-cop special. Every single time that we went to this particular DD, something really odd would happen. On one morning we were served by "The Unicorn". (We called her this because she often stored her ink pen in the front top of her DD visor, sticking straight up from her forehead.) Uni had probably handed us our coffee 3 or 4 baker's dozen times. This time, however, she was just about to pass me the bag of sugar coated saturated fats (you can eat like this when you pedal 50 miles a week or more) when she gasped. She looked at us and said it must be so nice for us to work together as a married couple.

What? Back the truck up! We quickly told her that we were not a couple. She said, "Yes, you are. You are a love match!" Kenny and I had become really good friends. We worked well together, liked to hang out outside of work, and had some common interests. Additionally, we had spouses, not eachother. This explanation was not good enough for Uni. She said she had seen our aura and that we had it all wrong. She was very disappointed in us and very troubled. No amount of explaining to her would cause her to give me my cruller. Remember, Kenny and I were both armed with semiauto handguns and yet we were the hostages. Eventually, she released my donut, and thereby, me after we pointed out that he is pretty much male and I am pretty much homosexual.

This incident was followed in a few days with the two of us (me and Kenny, not "The Unicorn") getting some pizza and beer. Kenny had picked up the pizza tab and I was getting the beer. As we checked out with the beer, I handed the checker the bill money and Kenny handed her the coin change. The checker chuckled when we presented our parts and said, "I see who wears the pants in this family!"

Do you think she had seen our aura, too?

I Ink, Therefore I Am

2006-06-30T08:42:00.000-05:00

Jesus Christ Superstar Angels, right trapezius/scapula: always loved the interpretation of Jesus and Judas, great music, memories of my time of spiritual deconstruction/reconstruction

Tree of Life, right leg below the other two tat's: strong connection to spirituality and nature, reminder of the close, simple, tangible creator at work

So, what do you think?

I'm a Happy Camper!

2006-06-29T08:03:00.000-05:00

Soon I'll be going to camp! Since the fourth grade I have only missed two years at camp and both of those were due to being on active duty. Maybe you think that taking "vacation" from work to volunteer at a camp of up-coming sixth graders for a week is crazy. Maybe you are right. But, I am not alone. In fact, the leaders have to have a few days at camp before the kids get there. We call it the leadership retreat, but it is really the only way we can get the excitement of "being a camper" out of our systems before the real campers arrive.

Camp Egan is a beautiful campground with a great curriculum theme. The title is "God in Our Midst". It draws from St. Francis and focuses on spirituality in nature. I get to be the song and game leader and medic for the hikes. We have Home-in-the-Woods time and TAG (Time Alone with God.) There are creek and mountain hikes, games with waterballoons, silly songs, cook outs, crafts, folk dancing, etc. There are worship services which are age appropriate and lots of time to just act like a kid.

I grew up in the Oklahoma UM Camp system, attending literally 2 and 3 camps each summer, and at least one retreat each of the other seasons. As I would outgrow a camp, I would graduate on to being a leader at the younger camps. It is a utopian environment. For a whole week, everyone is at his or her best; really finding the best in eachother, listening and being interested, caring, accepting, forgiving, living the golden rule. It's beautiful. At the end of camp there is a pensive anxiety. I sort of want to cocoon myself in camp and stay there forever. Then I have to remember that the reality lies somewhere outside and the challenge isn't how to stay at camp longer, but how to "make camp" in the rest of my life.

By the way, if I receive a letter at camp, I have to do a ridiculous song and dance to get it. So, write me a letter and I'll post the pictures of my song/dances.

UPDATE -- Here is the address:

Camp Egan Sixth Grade Camp

26633 Highway 62

Tahlequah, OK 74464

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

2006-06-23T15:08:00.000-05:00

My bags aren't yet packed and I am definitely not ready to go. As most of you already know, the rumors are true. I will be leaving in early September and should be home sometime in mid January. I can't comment too much about the specifics, especially not in this venue. As usual, I am very torn. I absolutely love what I do and am grateful to have the opportunity to help people who are sick, hurt, and just need a ride home. What is really hard about this one is that I will miss a lot of important dates: birthdays, anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's.

With so many irons in the fire right now, I have decided to take a break from clinicals. It would be impossible to finish before I leave. It was a hard choice; either get as much done as possible before I go, or get to have some sanity when I leave. This will let me get my head straight before I go, spend some time with Mandy, and enjoy my summer. The clinicals will be waiting when I get back. I might get to remember what it is like to have a day off!

It's Loud Even When It's Silent

2006-06-16T18:02:00.000-05:00

As promised, here are pictures of my guitar. This all started as a way of covering the duct tape bandaid it sported after its Purple Heart incident on the way back from the desert. There could be more, but I'm trying to keep it rated PG since it goes with me to camp. Enjoy, but rest your eyes frequenty!

Shower the People You Love With Love

2006-06-16T14:26:00.000-05:00

I have been accused of being a hippie every now and then. In fact, I have even claimed it for myself once or twice. So sometimes when my peace, love and happines thing tries to run away with me, I reign it back a bit. In the last couple of years, I've rethought that a little. When it so naturally comes to smile at someone or give out hugs at random, why hold back? I know that not everyone wants a hug or a kiss, and some people don't even like to be told that they are loved. I do believe that some times this kind of "assault" can do some emotional damage, so I try to be careful. I also think that equal or greater damage can be done by not saying or doing the loving things which we are all, from time to time, compelled to do.

Very recently I have heard of too many friends and acquaintances dealing with serious medical issues. During these times we count ourselves lucky to have the opportunity to express how we feel "before it's too late." Why do we ever wait?

How about people that don't have loving families and friends? Can you imagine how much it must mean to them to have someone hold their hands or say "I love you?"

When I told the people in Medic Review that I am leaving in a couple months and probably would not be at Medic Review until February or March, I got a very unexpected outpouring of love; what a wonderful thing to receive from peers with whom I have competed and struggled and engaged with on a fairly superficial basis over the last year and half.

No matter who you are right now reading this, from my closest, dearest friend, to the random blog hopper, I love you. Pay it forward.

And They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Hitch-Cover

2006-06-14T20:26:00.000-05:00

I am making a conscious effort in my life right now to ease up on the road rage. I'm learning the process of noticing my anger, feeling it, and then letting it go without reacting to it. This has been a long learning process. Because I work in Kansas City and in Oklahoma City, I have a lot of driving to do. I've found it to be much more pleasant and safer since acknowledging my road rage problem.

As I was driving home from class this evening (that's right, I'm gettin' educated,) I was heavily tail-gated by a fella in a large black SUV. I felt really angry. Because of an XVIII wheeler beside me, moving over to immediately let him by was not an option. Eventually, he was able to pass me but not before he made sure that I had seen some hand signals and facial expressions. When he finally blew past, I saw the shiny chrome hitch cover with the big glowing "Jesus fish" in the middle.

I can't help but think that in the many times that I have acted like a fool in traffic someone has looked at my vehicle and thought "Geez, people from Missouri are real jerks" or "Did you see her EMT decal? Some public servant!"

Here are the questions: do we do our respective religions/sects more good or harm when we mindlessly bear witness? Do you have a religious symbol on your vehicle? If so, how has it impacted your driving behavior?

I Don't Read Fiction

2006-06-09T08:42:00.000-05:00

Mandy is tearing through books one right after another. Being out of school has given her the opportunity to do some leisure reading; books about mysterious cruises, urban vampires, bounty hunters, etc. If I had time to leisurely read, first of all, I probably wouldn't. I might read a trail guide or a map and then go get dusty on a trail somewhere. But, on the rare occasion that I do read, I pick up some Thich Nhat Hahn or wilderness medicine. Is this just because my life is weirder than fiction or because I think reality is all made up anyway? Frankly, I haven't figured out enough about what is going to start reading about things that aren't.

Here is my additional question for you: what are these squirrels doing? I have already heard a lot of interesting theories, but none has convinced me yet. What is your take?

(Click to read radio address transcript)

2006-06-04T07:55:00.000-05:00

"Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and a wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society,"... "Marriage cannot be cut off from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening this good influence on society." - George W. Bush.

So what he is saying, I think, (not that I claim to speak fluent dubya) is that acknowledging the committed relationship of two people has been shown beneficial to their society. And so the acknowledgement of many of these relationships is what he would like to amend the constitution to prohibit. Am I getting this right?

No wonder this guy's approval rating is now 30 percent.

Get the Monkey Off Your Back (and your badge!)

2006-06-03T09:45:00.000-05:00

At the hospital where I work, just like most hospitals, we are required to wear an issued photo ID badge. It's a typical little plastic rectangle with a square headshot photo, name and credentials. We use the badge to clock in and out and to gain access through some doors.

Once upon a time, Mandy gave me a "chimp mint", which contained a chimp trading card. It didn't take long for me to notice that the card was the same size and shape as my photo on the ID. I affixed it to my badge and *poof* instant facelift! When a co-worker resigned, I bequeathed to her my chimp. Other faces on my badge came and went, but none ever looked quite as good as the chimp. Chimpmints no longer contain trading cards. The chocolate company is cutting down on packaging, like the good environmentalists that they are. So, Mandy wrote to them and they sent her a whole slew of the leftover cards. I brought them to work and a few of us picked our favorites, broke out the double sided tape and increased the overall morale of the department by a factor of 10!

Recently, the hospital security department has informed our management of the seriousness of the altered IDs. There will be strict and serious consequences for placing anything on the badge that covers the photo, name or credentials. In casual conversation, the word termination was even mentioned. Who knows if that rumor is true!

So, is this just a control issue, a serious attempt to improve security at the hospital, or an intentional cut at a harmless way to make our work day a little more fun?

Clean-up, Aisle Ssssssseven!

2006-06-01T12:14:00.000-05:00

Okay, even I couldn't make up something like this one. Last night, I saw a news story about a lady who was "snake bit" at her local Wal-Mart while shopping for some potted flowers. That, by itself, wouldn't be much more than slightly interesting until you hear her interview. My favorite part was her thanks for elastic sweatpants. The quote in the print version has her saying "thank goodness," but I am sure I heard her say "thank God." Either way it is interesting; she wasn't giving thanks for the fact that the snake was the non-venomous variety or that it that the incident didn't send her into a "coronary". The thing for which she was grateful was that it was unable to climb up her "breeches." Hooray for elastic sweats! Aren't we humans funny?

Now, as you can read, this is not the first snake to attack this woman. At the tender age of 13 she encountered another of the savages which left quite an impression.

Want another surprise? Do an internet search for Wal-Mart AND snake bite. You might reconsider the safety of your family at Mal-Wart.

Can I get a Witness-uh ?!

2006-05-30T10:31:00.000-05:00

What a really strange memorial day. I got up nice and early, ironed the uniform, and drove to my clinical (or so I thought). Due to some error in the schedule, I was not to be there. I still don't know if I was to be somewhere else, but I'm not going to spend an hour calling all the hospitals in the state and asking if I was supposed to be there. Not cool. I went home and went back to sleep for a while. The weather was beautiful.

Later, I woke up and found that a group of some kind had formed on the corner half a block from my back door and was having a revival. I have to stop at this point an apologize to my neighbors whom I blamed for having really loud, really bad gospel music playing while washing cars. Now, I love gospel music. I got to sing in a gospel choir once and it was a great experience. What I don't love is bad gospel music. This lady was someone's mamma and that person owned a big sound system. At the point where she got into a groove where she repeated the some single line over and over for about 40 minutes, I felt like I really might freak out. This is the same tactic police use to get hostage-takers to break down in a stand off.

If you can't beat them, join them, right? So I grabbed my guitar. What ever it was, it was in the the key of D. But as I rounded the corner, it began to really pour rain. Because I am not willing to get my guitar soaked, we were all spared. I'm still not sure if this was an answer to someone's prayers your just good luck for all of us. Remember, cars had been washed, and I have some Native American ancestry.

Do you think tambourines rust?

This is not your brain on drugs. Any questions?

2006-05-26T10:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, so a brain is a brain. A whole bunch of tiny little things all working together in a million ways all at once to create a product of some kind; a motion, an image, a thought or sound, etc. If some of these tiny things stop communicating with the others, the brain doesn't cease to be, it just can't reach its potential, or sometimes even a single goal.

In order to get smarter or make our brains happier, we have to exercise it in a way that creates more pathways of communication and connections. The tighter the weave of interconnection, the better.

Whoa, so... what if God's brain is heaven? Here we are, the composition of this brain. It is up to us to interface and interconnect. If we don't communicate in meaningful ways with one another, this brain will atrophy.

Why I Need a God TV (Part 2 of 2)

2006-05-24T11:21:00.000-05:00

There are zillions of TV signals zooming around and through my (and your) body right now. If I had an antenna, I would be saturated with picture and audio. I would have to learn to "speak" TV and how to tune in on a channel. Otherwise the static would be overwhelming.

I have been blessed and cursed with five senses. With this type of "antenna" I can take in just enough information for my dinky human brain to handle. The problem with this is that I believe this is reality, not just the picture on the screen, and also that it is all there is.

I will have to realize that the signal is the signal, not the source. Also, what I see is only as good as my reception. There are interference, wrong channels, and broken TVs. What if I am tuned to Fox and all the good news is on PBS? What if God is transmitting in HDTV and we only have bunny ears?

Why I Need a God TV (Part 1 of 2)

2006-05-24T08:36:00.000-05:00

I am sitting in a chair. Okay, that assumes a whole lot, doesn't it? Of course the greatest of these assumptions is that there is an "I" at all. But for the sake of this argument, we'll let that one slide for now.

Why do I believe that I am sitting in a chair? Well, obviously I can see that I am. But that is just a bunch of light impulses. They trigger chemicals and electricity that my brain interprets as an image. Okay, I can feel that I am sitting in a chair. Again, that is just baroreceptors and proprioceptors taking my chemical hungry brain for a ride.

If my eyes were closed, my skin numb, my nerves dead to the sense of pressure or position, would I still believe I was sitting in a chair?

So what else is out there that can't be seen, heard, tasted, smelled or felt? Is it any less real than a chair?

Whirlwind Tour Mission Complete

2006-05-20T22:48:00.000-05:00

My experience in jetlag-hell is now complete. It was actually a lot of fun. I left Kansas City last Saturday, drove to Oklahoma City, got on a plane and went to Northern California. There I went into crew rest (the required 12 hours of down time between flights). The next day my crew and I went to Hawaii, got a briefing, checked into billeting (military lodging), and went back into crew rest.

We found a really nice place to have breakfast on base, Wilbur's Cafe. I sat outside and watched subs surface out of the deep blue and ships glide across as I ate.

We got alerted, showed, had a maintenance issue, busted our crew duty day and had to go back into crew rest. So we drove into Waikiki and walked around the international market. We ate dinner in a little bar and grill place where there was live music going. I had a MahiMahi sandwich which was grilled to perfection and a local beer, Longboard.

The next day we got alerted and this time we took off. It was almost a ten hour flight to Okinawa. My circadian rhythms at this point needed a defib or at least a pacer. In an almost zombie like state, we wandered off the base and found Tigers Embroidery. This place is an icon. A Mecca of sorts to the aviators of the world. I was like a kid in a candy shop. After about a hour of digging through piles and drawers of patches, I decided on a few, ordered a bagstrap as a gift, and wandered on down the street. My nose lead me to a little restaurant where we were served plates of seasoned raw meats and seafood which we cooked at our table. We had to sit at a regular booth, for some unexplained reason we weren't allowed to sit at the traditional low table. I was a bit disappointed by this.

The next morning we got alerted and flew back to Hawaii, an almost ten hour flight. Even though we flew for so long, crossing the international date line meant we landed "earlier" than we took off! Since we had learned that we would not have a mission going to Guam and back and would likely have to leave Hawaii that night, we had to hurry to the beach. I tried my hand at boogie boarding. So far I am not a pro. I am, however, really good at getting sunburned in about one hour. That evening we flew back to California. Since we arrived early in the morning, they had mercy on us and let us stay the night and get rested. It was the first sleep I had since before we went to Japan and it felt great.

Today I flew from Cali to OKC and will stay here overnight and drive home in the morning. I'll still get home a day earlier than if we had gone to Guam.

This trip felt like a huge reward for all the hard work I have put in over the past few years. Going to Japan, if only for a few hours, was a goal I had set to accomplish before my enlistment was up. That box is checked!

Don't Take it for Granted

2006-05-09T16:31:00.000-05:00

Today I did something that I never thought I would do in the next ten years. I enrolled for my insurance benefits with Mandy as my partner. This will decrease our insurance costs by over $100 per month and drastically improve Mandy's coverage. I don't think that my employer could possibly know how much this means and to how many. The affidavit required that we swear we had lived together and were in an exclusive and committed relationship for over 1 year. We also have to provide documentation that we are financially "interdependent" and a copy of some agreement of our relationship. I am submitting a copy of our wills, vehicle insurance and a the bulletin from our wedding. I can just imagine some human resources person getting absolutely bombarded by the paperwork submitted by all the same sex and opposite sex domestic partners of the hospital. I hope so. What do you think he or she will think when reading or filing all of the wills and vows?

Ordinarily, I am frustrated and bored when filling out the sort of paperwork that one has to in order to enroll in employee benefits. This time, it was one of the most exciting things I have done in a long time.

Allow myself to introduce... Myself.

2006-05-08T12:30:00.000-05:00

Well, I have decided to join the modern era and try my hand at blogging. You know that I love to do what the cool kids are doing. Actually, a couple of people have recently told me that I should keep a blog. I didn't think that I had time and that is exactly why I have started one. Maybe this will be one way to keep some kind of communication going during this busy time. I expect that only family and friends will find any of what I have to say here interesting at all. But, if you happen to stumble onto this post and read something you like (or don't), please leave a comment so that I am aware of the intersecting of our lives. Please enjoy the rest of your day.

Also, please take a minute to see my Johari Window if you haven't already: http://kevan.org/johari?name=sar_medic_grrl